"Mom, I Love Jesus Just Like You"

What is the only topping that belongs on pizza? And why is it sausage?

True Americans never put ketchup on a hot dog.

Coffee served over ice is both weird and defeats the purpose.

None of these statements can be argued by any clear-thinking person. Science hasn’t told me this. I learned this from my ancestors – my parents, grandparents, and uncles.

We cannot determine the heart affections of our children,
but we can strongly influence them.

It is likely that all of us have passions and tastes developed in us by the passions and tastes of those before us, like my affinity for a good thin crust pizza covered with Italian sausage and nothing more. I acquired the taste from eating with my teenage uncles. Of course, not every passion passes to those after us. My parents and grandparents drank hot coffee from sunup to sundown, as black as tar, my mom being the exception. She desired milk and sugar. Hot or cold, it doesn’t matter. Coffee is gross.

Christian parents and grandparents desire that their children want to follow Jesus. At least, I’d like to think they do. I certainly hope they do. As we do most everything else, we have the capacity to impact how our children think about the Lord, the thought behind Deuteronomy 6:6-9.

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Picking up from where we left off last time, here are suggestions for growing an appetite for the Lord in our children.

Five Suggestions for Growing an Appetite for Our Lord, His Word, and His Church in Our Children and Grandchildren

• Prioritize the Lord’s Day

I know I say it all the time, but there is good reason to emphasize the importance of the Sunday gatherings of the local church. When I was a kid, I recall my pastor telling the church to “be here every time the doors are open.” Truthfully, my family was in attendance Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, every night of the weeklong meetings, every night of missions conference, and throw in the New Year’s Eve service too. My sister and I are the beneficiaries of my parents’ decision to emphasize the church gathering in our family.

Our church has not heard me use the phrase “every time the doors are open,” but I am concerned about the casualness of some towards the gathering of the church on Sunday. Traveling athletic teams, spending the night at a friend’s, a part-time job, school events late Saturday night, away at the lake for the weekend, and more, keep children away from the gathering of the church far more Sundays than many realize. When events compound, it can be three or four weeks between gatherings. In the spiritual battle for the appetites of our children 10, 15, 20, or more Sundays away from the gathered church cannot be helpful.

• Fill your home with Christian Music

At our worship services, it is easy to tell the families that play Christian music in their homes and cars. They are the ones where the children sing. Christians have their own music, and they sing it when they gather. Their music teaches Bible truth, encourages sad hearts, challenges fearful soldiers, and unites Christians to each other. Homes where Christian music plays creates an appetite for the Lord who is the theme of all our songs.

Streaming services and air pods have made communal listening to music a thing of the past. No one gathers the family around the radio or spins an album on the stereo for all to share. It is not uncommon to see a family in the SUV and each child in his own world listening to his own music. I do not go so far as to say individual listening is wrong. I will say that you can aid in developing an appetite for our Lord by filling your home and car with Christian music that you listen to together.

• Share Answers to Prayer and the Requests You Make

Is God real? The question isn’t new. Pharoah raised the question to Moses, and every generation since the fall has wondered if there is a God. If there is, what is he like and what difference does his existence make to me? These are only a few of the big questions. Maybe you are still asking some of them.

When we pray, we attest to our belief of something beyond ourselves. When we pray directed by the Bible, we identify the recipient of our prayer as the triune God – Father, Son, and Spirit. Our children and grandchildren need to know that we pray to God because we desperately need him, and they do too.

You are wise to teach your children to pray, and you are wise to have your children hear you pray. How often do your children hear you pray? Do they know some of the burdens you bring to the Lord? Do they know they too can bring their burdens to the Lord? Have they heard you confess sin and ask for God’s aid? When they sin, do they know they will find mercy with the Lord? Have your children experienced answered prayer in your family? Have your rejoiced with them at what God did for your family in answer to your prayer and theirs?

God draws us to himself by his grace in answered prayer. We draw near to God by praying.

• Tell Our Stories

People who think the Bible is boring haven’t read the Bible. It is that simple. Look at the book of Joshua – river crossings, city walls crumbling, Joshua comes face to face with a man with a drawn sword, days longer than they should be, hail stones coming down from the sky taking out the enemies – all and more in just a few chapters. Bible stories are given to us for our learning. The hearing of them creates an appetite for more.

Hebrews 11 is a chapter of stories and offers that there are many more stories of God’s actions for his people than appear in the chapter. Place in your older children’s hands the stories of missionaries and the biographies of faithful Christians. There is no shortage of children’s books for grandparents to read to their grandchildren. I am convinced too many of our children have little appetite for God because they know so very little about him. We can remedy that.

• Live Christ in your home

Sadly, most of us know adults who have no appetite for God despite the fact their parents had them in church every time the doors were, and despite the fact the car radio was tuned to the local Christian radio station, and despite the reality that the kids went to Vacation Bible School and the weekly Awana night. Often, reflecting on their childhoods, the adults remember a home where the family in the church pew was very different than the family in the minivan.

Our children know us better than nearly everyone else. They see our failures, our sins, and weaknesses. We wish they didn’t. The problem is not that we continue to sin, and our children are aware. The problem is our children see no humility, no confession, and no change toward Christlikeness. What they see is open hypocrisy. On Sunday, they hear a parent say “Amen” only to hear that same parent curse later in the day. On Sunday, they listen along with their parents to the Word of God only to watch their parents disobey the very Word of God they received earlier in the week. It’s very confusing. It’s very unappealing. It has great potential to sour Jesus to our children and grandchildren.

There may be nothing more significant for developing appetite for our Lord, the Bible, and the church than humble Christianity lived out in the home by parents and grandparents.

I am sure you could add to my list. Please do. I’d value your suggestions.

You have heard me say often that there should never be a need for an evangelist to come to the home of any of my children and grandchildren. We have the gospel in our possession, and so do you. God grant us grace that the gospel never depart from our family trees. I’ll pray with you that way. I hope you’ll pray with me.

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

You Got Your Kid to Like Vegetables - You Win Parent of the Year

Christian parents and grandparents desire that their children want to follow Jesus. At least, I’d like to think they do. I certainly hope they do. As we do most everything else, we have the capacity to impact how our children think about the Lord.

We cannot determine the heart affections of our children,
but we can strongly influence them.

The Netherlands and Chicago Sports

Most are aware of Brenda’s Dutch heritage. She and her sister are first generation Americans. They are Wooden Shoes by birth and by attitude. At Christmas time, Dutch pastries fill our kitchen and wood shoes line the stairs waiting for Sinterklass to fill them with candy, small toys, and coins. With the arrival of grandchildren, we need more stairs for all the shoes. Don’t tell my kids. Let’s keep it between us – Brenda fills the shoes with goodies, not Sinterklass. Shhh!

As a very young boy, my passion was the Chicago Cubs. I could not get enough of Baseball cards, box scores in the newspaper, and afternoon baseball from Wrigley Field. I vividly remember listening to Chicago Blackhawks hockey games coming from my bedside radio on the AM dial. I was a Chicago Bulls fan before Michael Jordan arrived for the 1986 season, and there has never been anyone like Walter Payton, the best running back in the history of the NFL and a Chicago Bear.

My children have never lived for one minute anywhere near the city of Chicago, the place where I was born. Of the four, only Jeffery has visited the Netherlands. So, would you explain to me the enthusiasm for Dutch heritage and would you explain to me the obsession with Chicago sports teams shared by all four of our children? They all love the Bears, Blackhawks, Bulls, and Cubs. During the most recent World Cup soccer tournament, the Dutch and US teams took the pitch against each other in the round of 16. Only one of us cheered for the USA.

My sports passions became our children’s sports passions. Brenda’s love for her Dutch heritage has expanded to our children. When Michael was very young and the Cubs were very bad, he asked his mom, “Mom, why do we have to be Cubs fans?” Brenda told him that he doesn’t have to be a Cubs fan. He can be a fan of any team he wants. He dropped his head and mourned, “I’ve tried, but I can’t. I just can’t.”

I’d guess there are similar stories in your family. Your children like roller coasters because you do. Your children like coffee because you do. Your children like a style of music because you do. Your children like horses or airplanes or running in the sprinkler because you introduced them. Your children like a particular dessert, vegetable, make of automobile, recreational activity, or something else, and their affection for the thing grew out of your affection for the thing.

Your Loves and Your Child’s Loves

We cannot determine the heart affections of our children, but we can strongly influence them. Do you believe that? Do you believe that what you love they are more likely to love? The influence extends to a love for our Lord. If you love our Lord, your children are in a most advantageous position to love him too. If you love his word, your children are in a position to love his word too. If you love his church, your children are well positioned also to love his church. Your influence will play a significant role, not the only role, but a significant one in their affection for our Lord, his word, and his church. The Bible says so.

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

Moses instructed the people to make the air of the house the person of the Lord because this is the best way to grow the children’s affections for the Lord. A house that smells of Jesus is a house likely to produce hearts that are faithful to Jesus.

So, what would that look like in your house? Let’s answer that question next week.

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

Pomp and Circumstance

Next week marks forty years since my classmates and I graduated from high school, May 1983. Could there be a more serious marker that one is old than knowing the Israelites wandered the wilderness in the same amount of time that you’ve been out of high school? Dude, you’re almost eligible for Social Security.

I attended a small Christian school in Chicago’s south suburbs and was a member of its tenth graduating class. At 26 students, our class was the largest in the school’s history. Most of my closest friends were in that class, and a few of us had been together since third grade, the first year the school opened. The 1960s, 70s, and 80s were the era of Christian Education as churches everywhere recoiled from the doctrine of relativism born from the teaching of evolution in our nation’s schools.

Oak Forest Christian Academy was the vision of our pastor, Bill Schroeder, and a ministry of my home church, the Oak Forest Baptist Temple (formerly the Calvary Baptist Church of Oak Forest, Illinois). Recently, the school closed its doors after 50 years of training children from Christian families. My classmates and fellow alumni live around the world and hold positions across a wide range of career fields. Many of us remain faithful to the Lord Jesus Christ. Some have left following the Lord.

While I have lost track of many, I know a little about a few of my classmates. Some are teachers in elementary, secondary, and college schools. At least two were police officers. Not long after high school graduation, one served on the Secret Service for then President Ronald Reagan. Two of my closest friends are pastors. Among us, there are homemakers and career professionals. Some of my peers have retired. A handful still live in the Chicago area. Many have relocated. I have not seen most of them since the summer of 1983. All of us look at our class picture and remember days long since passed.

As I grow older and see how life works, there are many questions I wish I could ask my mom and dad. I’d like to know what prompted them to send my sister and me to our church’s school. My SAHM would have been about 26 years old and my dad a hard-working mechanic at a local garage when they enrolled me in the third grade at OFCA.

In the first and second grades, I attended Balmoral Elementary School with the other neighborhood kids. We rode the bus. The driver picked us up at the end of the driveway. My teachers were older women who taught me to love reading and by the grey in their hair, I assume were grandmothers. I still remember their names. They instructed me in reading, writing, and arithmetic. One of them taught me how to know north, south, east, and west – a valuable lesson I use to this day. I sang in the school’s children’s choir and had speaking roles in our school programs. We chased the girls at recess and were occasionally scolded when we crossed the line. I remember nothing of evolution, and no one’s name changed from one day to the next as we learned of their new pronouns. The summer before third grade brought change.

We lived a distance from the church building in Oak Forest, Illinois. I still recall the long rides to and from school that replaced my short bus commutes the year before. Before, my mom waved goodbye in the morning sun and welcomed me just in time to catch some afternoon baseball from Wrigley Field broadcast on Channel 9. Now, we rolled out of the driveway before the sun came up, and in the winter drudged back into the house long after the sun had set. So, proximity didn’t play a part in their decision.

I suspect the decision was driven more by my mom than by my dad. In our early childhood, my dad was still trying to figure out his role towards his wife’s kids. My guess is my mom heard Pastor Schroeder announce the school’s opening, and my mom wanted something for her kids she hoped the school would provide. I think she got her wish. But there was a steep price to pay, literally. Somehow, they managed to enroll us in the fall of 1974, footing our tuition bill. They purchased the school uniforms we were required to wear – red, white, and blue dresses, skirts, blouses and bows for the girls; the same color plaid pants, dress shirts, and ties for the boys – we were The Patriots after all. And they got us to and from school without benefit of a big, yellow bus. The financial burden did not dissuade them.

So, that’s a lot of words to express that I really do not know the reasons my parents chose to secure for us a Christian education, but I am very thankful they did.

For any opportunities I may have missed by not attending a local elementary school and later, a large government high school, I received benefits at OFCA I could not have received had I been a Bengal from Oak Forest High School instead of a Patriot from Oak Forest Christian Academy.

• A high percentage of the Scripture I have memorized came from assignments in school Bible classes.

• Daily chapel messages grounded me in a biblical worldview I embrace to this day.

• I maintain decades long friendships with Christian men that began when I was a young boy.

• Multiple staff members, mostly young Christian men, mentored me in and out of the classrooms and on and off the court and field.

• And best of all, at my Christian school, I first laid eyes on Brenda Koning, the Christian girl who now fills my days with wonder as my wife.

Parents make daily decisions of marginal significance in the lives of their children – fries or apple slices in the Happy Meal. Periodically, parents make decisions of monumental significance in the lives of their children – how the children should receive an education. We make the great decisions guided by the Word of God (Psalm 119:105), resisting the strong pull to rely heavily upon our own wisdom to determine the matter (Proverbs 3:5-6). The decision made, we trust the Lord for the outcome, making course adjustments as he leads us along.

Looking back through my reading glasses, I really did enjoy my high school years. I thank the Lord for my teachers. To this day, I love my peers. I am humbled by the sacrifice my parents made to educate me.

To the class of 1983 – all 26 of us – God bless you until we meet again when we are with the Lord.

s always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

Faithful Servants, Foolish Message, Fearful World

There are some matters that must wait.

The recognition of Charles last week as England’s king, complete with pomp, tradition, and glamour, provided a vivid contrast to the failure of the people to recognize King Jesus who came to his own but his own did not receive him (John 1:11). Those observations will have to wait.

Last week Deputy Katie Leising, 29, died in the line of duty in an exchange of gunfire as she attempted to enforce the law against a drunk driver. The 34-year-old man drew a handgun and killed Deputy Leising. This is the second female LEO murdered in the last month on a roadside encounter. Officer Emily Breidenbach, 32, died April 8 at the hands of the male she encountered in the line of duty. I ask again, “Why do we require women to subdue violently opposed men?” More discussion on that question also must wait.

Pastor Chris Pitts and I are at Parkside Church for a few days this week, attending the Basics Conference, hosted by Alistair Begg and the church where he serves. The church began the conference in the early 2000s, but this is the first opportunity I’ve had to attend.

When we moved to Minnesota nearly 23 years ago, I stumbled across Truth For Life on the AM dial and heard Begg preach. Though we’ve never met, he’s been a faithful friend to me. Pastors need preaching to.

Pastor Chris and I are here because our church thinks it’s important for us to be challenged, encouraged, and taught by the Word of God. From your pastors, thank you for making our trip possible both by your giving and your encouragement to spend the time away from our families and ministry responsibilities.

The conference’s theme provides a prompt for how you might pray for us. 

Faithful servants - O Lord, by your word, encourage our pastors to remain steadfast to our Lord and their callings. Remind them to put a watch over their lives so as never to dishonor you.

Foolish message - O Lord, by your word, affirm to our pastors the wisdom of God in the foolishness of the gospel. Grant that they will always preach to us only and fully the whole counsel of God even when those who hear them call them fools. 

Fearful world - O Lord, by your word, burden our pastors to equip us to hold out the person and work of Jesus as the only hope for all that troubles every man, woman, and child.

You can follow along at basicsconference.org

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

10 Suggestions for Training and Managing Smartphone Use in our Families

Her mom knew something was wrong. “I wonder what happened at school today?” the mother of three thought as she watched her 11-year-old trudge up the driveway toward the front door. Her little girl’s head hung low, and the usual smile after waving to her friends on the bus was nowhere to be found.

“Hi, honey! You’re just in time to help me make some cookies.”

“It’s not fair! Everybody else has their own phone except me. Today, Miley came to school with a phone. She showed it to everyone. The whole class was happy for her. Now I’m the only one without one. Why can’t I have a phone like everybody else?”

It is only a matter of time before the little girl gets a phone. I don’t have a problem with the inevitable. Smartphones are as much a part of our culture in 2023 as is indoor plumbing. And like indoor plumbing, both contain foul odors. When managed correctly, no one notices. Left unchecked the whole house stinks like you know what.

In a previous Musing I asked, “What training do children receive before their hands grasp their first phone?” Here is an incomplete directory of ideas and suggestions for training and managing smartphone use in our families.

1. Put off handing a smartphone to your child for as long as possible. Brenda and I ditched a landline long before it was common practice. No phone on the wall created a problem when we were away from home. What do the kids at home do if they need to make a call when both mom and dad are away or what do we do if we need to make contact with them when they are home alone? Our answer was to have a dedicated pay-as-you go phone available at home. They are mostly inexpensive and easy to manage but not always easy to find around the house if you know what I mean.

2. Parents must train and expect children to accept direction and correction in other areas of life before a smartphone becomes part of a child’s identity. If a child shows humility and a willingness to accept guidelines and improvement in other areas, he may be ready for a smartphone; however, if a child offers resistance to parental leadership, the child is not ready for the responsibility of a smartphone. To hand her one is to ask for problems. “Give me my phone!” will be your harsh reality.

3. Any member of our family has veto power over any social media friend or follow on another family member’s account. When our sons and daughters lived at home, each was accountable to the rest. For example, if one of the boys knew one of his sisters followed a boy on Instagram he thought was a problem, he could veto that friend, and the friend goes away on the app. The same holds for Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, and the rest. TikTok wasn’t a thing, and boy am I glad it wasn’t. Just don’t with that app.

4. Do not allow any private passwords on any phone. All the family members in our home know the password to my phone, and each family member freely offers the password on his or her phone to the rest of the family.

5. Texts, DMs, and other forms of digital communication both received sent are open for mom and dad to read at any time. This is non-negotiable. As our children grew older, our reading of their texts decreased to the point that it was now virtually non-existent. However, when they first received their phones, we read their text communication daily and, often, repeatedly in the same day. And both we and they are glad that we did.

6. Smartphones need a bedtime. When a child goes to bed, the phone goes to bed too on the counter in the kitchen. It stays there until the next morning when the child may retrieve it after the morning routine is complete. We don’t want the last thing our children experience at night to be their phones, nor do we want the first thing they experience in the morning to be their phones. We want the last and first to be God and family. The importance of this guideline cannot be exaggerated.

7. Browser history cannot be deleted by the phone’s user. The history can only be deleted by another family member.

8. There are better options for worship than a Bible on a smartphone. In truth I’d suggest this be the practice for all of us. Our phones do not need to come into the church building with us. It is nearly impossible not to be distracted by a smartphone’s other uses when the phone is used during worship. Unless the phone is put in airplane mode so no push notifications can come through, it will be a distraction. Even then, how many of us are disciplined enough to not momentarily check a social media app, not send or read a text, or not go for a two-minute surf on the web? Frankly, from my perch at the pulpit, I witness this every Sunday. Do you really think your child is mature enough to worship with a smartphone at the ready? Do you really think your child can keep his phone in his pocket and engage in fellowship with other believers before and after worship? I see no reason for smartphones when we gather to worship. If you have one, I am willing to be corrected.

9. Make use of an app like Bark. These apps monitor usage and allow parents to set limits on children’s phones. We learn to ride a bike with training wheels. Learning to use a smartphone with restraints on time and content is a wise move.

10. Before giving your child a smartphone or if you’ve already given your child a smartphone, read together 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You or The Tech-Wise Family. Knowledge is a valuable tool and a necessary ally when entering uncharted waters. That you have had a smartphone in your possession for years is not sufficient expertise in the guiding of your children in the responsibility and dangers in possessing a smartphone. One last resource is Irreversible Damage. The author is not a Christian, and the book is not exclusively about smartphones, but the research provides the inescapable connection between smartphone use and the transgender craze seducing young girls. If you hand your child a smartphone, you must know the risks.

BONUS: If your children already have a phone of their own, consider sitting down with them and going over the suggestions I've offered. Teach them the responsibility that comes with owning a smartphone and how best to avoid the inevitable dangers.

Others will have additional ideas that help control an amazing and wonderful device that God has made possible for us to enjoy. If we are to do all to the glory of God, including using a smartphone, then our phones must be our servants and never our masters. Guidelines help maintain a God honoring relationship between a user and his phone.

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.