Not That Long Ago But Almost A Lifetime

Two years ago today (01/23/2016) my mom put on immortality and entered the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ. Shortly following her death, my older son, Michael, penned the words that follow. They are a blessing to me. I trust you find them to be a blessing to you.

Michael's note (01/11/2018): Two years have passed since my Nan died. Her memory remains fresh with me. While I still miss her very much, I am not overcome by her death nor do I worry for her. Instead, I say with the apostle, "Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift." I wrote the follwoing shortly following her death.

In the weeks since grandma passed away, I’ve had time to think about her life and death. I loved this woman, and her death has presented a challenge for me in my faith. Believing that God will accomplish his plan for eternity is easy, believing his goodness for my family today is hard.

She was the self-described “energizer bunny”, and even in retirement she played her clarinet in the church orchestra, educated children, and drove far beyond the grocery store and post office. Even though we all knew her heart was abandoning her, it still came as a surprise when it finally quit. It’s hard to believe God when someone so full of life loses it.

Maybe I’ve doubted because of the personal relationship we had with each other. Since high school, we’ve called and texted frequently because she was a cool, flip-phone-texting kind of grandma. None of my friends had a grandma like her. And I wasn’t just asking for cookies, Pepsi, and pizza anymore; I wanted her opinions and advice on marriage, Christianity, and my job - while, of course, still asking for cookies, Pepsi, and pizza. As her oldest grandchild, God granted me more time with her than my siblings or cousins. She was more than just my grandma, “Nanny” was my friend. It’s hard to believe God when He takes your friend.

Like so many before me, I began to ponder difficult questions. Why would God take her home? Why allow her to die when she still had so much to offer? What’s your plan here, God? Nothing about the situation seemed right. In our age of seeming medical miracles, how could a reasonably healthy woman have no option to live before the age of 70? Why would God take home one of his best servants? This woman, lying on her deathbed, was giving the gospel to her nurses and all who came to her room. Why take a woman like that away from her family and friends? And why take a woman home when she still wanted to live? It’s hard to believe God when His plan doesn’t match up with ours.

God, in his grace, did not give any direct answers; I still don’t know why he took her home. Frankly, I doubt I ever will. Instead, God gave himself to my family, and He showered us with the promises of his character. He wrapped us up in the security of his Word and calmed our fears and doubts. A few nights before she passed away, I sat down at my table and wrote two lists. The first is God’s actions, and the second is my responses.

God’s Actions in Nanny’s Death

• God looked down from heaven to us on earth (Psalm 113:5-6).

Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down on the heavens and the earth?

• God raised a poor woman from the dust and garbage pile and placed her with the nobility of heaven (Psalm 113: 7-8).

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people.

• God collected our tears so that not one of them would be forgotten (Psalm 56:8).

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?

• Like Lazarus, God raised Nanny from the dead, but not to a life of continued hardship; she lives with the Savior (John 11:25).

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live."

• God demonstrated the complete victory of Jesus over the devil. (Hebrews 2:14).

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil.

• God provided peace (John 14:27, Philippians 4:6-7).

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

• God provided us a glimpse of the joy we will one day experience (John 16:22).

So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.

• God ushered her into her true home, His presence (2 Corinthians 5:8).

Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

My responses to Nan's Death and God's Actions

• Trust the Lord and stop carrying your own burdens. We aren’t superheroes (1 Peter 5:7).

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

• Praise the Lord. He will continue to do great things. Not even death can stop his work (Psalm 113:1-3).

Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord! Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore! From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!

• Grieve as believers - with hope! (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

• Walk by faith and rejoice for Nanny as she walks by sight (2 Corinthians 5:6-7).

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.

• Keep running! There is a new spectator encouraging us onward (Hebrews 12:1).

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us

As always I welcome your feedback and any ideas you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

She's 11 and Wants Her Own Phone, Now What?

Her mom knew something was wrong. “I wonder what happened at school today?” the mother of three thought as she watched her 11-year-old trudge up the driveway toward the front door. Her little girl’s head hung low, and the usual smile after waving to her friends on the bus was nowhere to be found.

“Hi, honey! You’re just in time to help me make some cookies.”

“It’s not fair! Everybody else has their own phone except me. Today, Mila came to school with a phone. She showed it to everyone. The whole class was happy for her. Now I’m the only one without one. Why can’t I have a phone like everybody else?”

It is only a matter of time before the little girl gets a phone. I don’t have a problem with the inevitable. Cellular phones are as much a part of our culture in 2018 as is indoor plumbing. And like indoor plumbing, both contain foul odors. When managed correctly, no one notices. Left unchecked the whole house suffers.

In a previous Musing I asked, “What training do children receive before their hands grasp their first phone?” Here is an incomplete directory of ideas and suggestions for training and managing smartphone use in our families.

1. Put off handing a smartphone to your child for as long as possible. Brenda and I ditched a landline long before it was common practice. No phone on the wall created a problem when we were away from home. What do the kids at home do if they need to make a call when both mom and dad are away or what do we do if we need to make contact with them when they are home alone? Our answer was to have a dedicated pay-as-you go phone available at home. They are mostly inexpensive and easy to manage but not always easy to find around the house, if you know what I mean.
2. Parents must train and expect children to accept direction and correction in other areas of life before a cell phone becomes part of a child’s identity. If a child shows humility and a willingness to accept guidelines and improvement in other areas, he may be ready for a cell phone; however, if a child offers resistance to parental leadership, the child is not ready for the responsibility of a cell phone. To hand her one is to ask for problems. “Give me my phone!” will be your harsh reality.
3. In our home any member of our family has veto power over any social media friend on another family member’s account. For example, one of the boys knows one of his sisters follows a boy on Instagram he thinks is a problem. He can veto that friend, and the friend goes away on the app. The same holds for Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, and the rest.
4. In our home we do not allow any private passwords on any phone. All the family members in our home know the password to my phone, and each family member freely offers the password on his or her phone to the rest of the family.
5. In our home texts received and texts sent are open for mom and dad to read at any time. This is a non-negotiable. As our children have gotten older, our reading of their texts has decreased to the point that it is now virtually non-existent. However, when they first received their phones, we read their text communication daily and, often, repeatedly in the same day.
6. In our home cell phones have a bed time. When a child goes to bed, the phone goes to bed too on the counter in the kitchen. It stays there until the next morning when the child may retrieve it after the morning routine is complete. We don’t want the last thing our children experience at night to be their phones nor do we want the first thing they experience in the morning to be their phones. We want the last and first to be God and family. The importance of this guideline cannot be exaggerated.
7. In our home browser history cannot be deleted by the phone’s user. The history can only be deleted by another family member.
8. In our home cell phones are not the Bible used for worship.In truth I’d suggest this be the practice for all of us. Our phones do not NEED to come in the church building with us. It is nearly impossible not to be distracted by a cell phone’s other uses when it is used during worship. Unless it is put in airplane mode so no push notifications can come through, it will be a distraction. Even then how many of us are disciplined enough to not momentarily check a social media app, not send or read a text, or not go for a two-minute surf on the web? Do you really think your child is mature enough to worship with a cell phone at the ready? Do you really think your child can keep his phone in his pocket and engage in fellowship with other believers before and after worship? I see no reason for cell phones when we gather to worship. If you have one, I am willing to be corrected.
9. In our home had an app like Moment been available, we would have installed it on phones. These apps monitor usage and allow parents to set limits on children’s phones. We learn to ride a bike with training wheels. Learning to use a cell phone with restraints on time is a wise move.
10. Before giving your child a cell phone or if you’ve already given your child a cell phone, read together the recent publication 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You. If you act quickly, you can get the book for free in audio format.

Others will have additional ideas that help control an amazing and wonderful device that God has made possible for us to enjoy. If we are to do all to the glory of God, including using a cell phone, then our cell phones must be our servants and never our masters. Guidelines help maintain the relationship between a user and his cell phone.

As always I welcome your feedback and any ideas you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

We Train for Driving We Should Train for Smartphones Too

"I can’t wait to get my driver’s license and then my own car" has been replaced by "I can’t wait to get my own phone."

Back in the day it was the dream of nearly every 15 and 16-year-old. A driver’s license meant you were somebody. The piece of plastic meant you had passed driver’s education classes, the written exam at the local department of motor vehicles, and the dreaded behind the wheel test. The card was so much more than an ID. The card provided opportunities for freedom and privacy.

Never again would you have to bum a ride. With you behind the wheel, the music on the radio was your decision alone. The mall, your friend’s pool, your girlfriend’s house, hanging out in the park and more were all a turn of the key away. Your car was your world. The absolute worst thing your parents could take away from you was to ground you from your car. Stuck at home. No friends. No liberty. No privacy.

This is 2018 and getting a driver’s license is still a big deal, but I suspect if you were to ask a teen to make a choice between losing driving privileges and losing his cell phone, he’d sooner walk uphill both ways than lose the privacy and freedom that comes with having his own phone. With his phone he has the privacy and liberty previous generations had with their cars. On his phone he can go to the mall, hang out with friends, text his girlfriend, and spend hours doing what he wants with whomever he wants. And because he’s good with tech, no one has to know any of the details. All the privacy and all the liberty with minimal hassles.

It used to be parents and older teens battled over the car. They still may, but any parent who’s crossed swords with her teen over the use of a cell phone will tell you about a battle described as Armageddon.

Researcher Eric Geiger writes, “While there is not yet an agreed upon official name for the generation after the millenials, and dates vary a bit among researchers, iGeneration is the name Jean Twenge assigns to those born in 1995 through 14-17 years post-1995 (the year the Internet was born to the world). So in 2018, those in iGeneration are 6 to 23 years old.” I’m suggesting this is the generation for whom their cellphone is the most important possession. And that’s a problem.

Before children secure their driver’s licenses, we require them to sit in a classroom weeks on end, practice a predetermined number of hours in a moving vehicle, wait for many months after getting a learner’s permit before driving solo, and then pass both a written and driving test before we give them the privilege to drive a car. Once a kid gets his license, he’s met with all kinds of restrictions. The law limits the number of people he can transport as a new driver, and the law limits the time of day he can drive. Parents may put additional restrictions on a young driver. All these moves make sense. It is a huge responsibility to drive a car.

And it’s a huge responsibility to give a child a smart phone. But what training do children receive before their hands grasp their first phone? What preventions do the mature put in place to protect the immature from dangers they cannot imagine? How do those who supply the phone and the data usage insure that they are not bringing a handheld idol into their children’s bedrooms, a god their children will defend with their last breath?

Look, the smartphone isn’t going away. It’s become a part of who we are as human beings. Like everything else that is not the Trinity, a smartphone is a great servant but a brutal master.

I’ll pick it up here next week and offer some suggestions for training and managing smartphone use in our families.

As always I welcome your feedback and any ideas you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

Counting My Blessings

Even a casual reading of the psalms, whether David's or Moses's (Ps 91, for example) reveals a detailed accounting of God's blessings on him and Israel. Thinking back through 2017 here are 17 ways God blessed me. How did he bless you? I'd enjoy hearing from you.

1. God protected my family and me over tens of thousands of miles traveled by car and plane.
2. God stilled my heart when I said goodbye to any of my four children, all of whom live out of state, assuring me that they are loved and secure under his always alert and watchful care.
3. God comforted me when my heart was heavy from the passing of those I love or sharing in the grief of others.
4. God gave me wisdom to engage with people who sought my pastoral care or counsel. Frankly, I am often in over my head when called to help people. He instills what I do not have.
5. God provided me excellent health to do things he has called me to do and to do many of the things I want to do because I find the activities enjoyable.
6. God presented to me opportunities to preach the Word of God scores of times in a wide range of venues.
7. God delivered timely aid to my spiritual life often through the love of a brother or sister-in-Christ.
8. God revealed himself to me in the daily reading of his word, filling and expanding my mind with the wonder of his person.
9. God answered my prayers for his work in my life, my family, my friends, our church, and in so many more requests.
10. God protected me from the deceptions of Satan when, if left to myself, I would have been overcome.
11. God provided a way of escape for every temptation I faced so that I could endure any and all of them.
12. God extended his mercy to me on a daily basis when I declined his way of escape. I sinned against him every day, yet he did not withhold forgiveness.
13. God grew deep relationships with more than a few faithful friends.
14. God ordered my steps leading me in right paths and turning me away from destructive or dead end paths.
15. God encouraged me when and in ways no human being could. Every word of a person was dissonance to me, but his voice to me was soothing.
16. God taught me to trust him as I watched situations unfold and lived through life moments over which I had no control.
17. God delighted in me as his son. Over and again he affirmed my relationship to him. I am a son of God, and he would have it no other way.

As always I welcome your feedback and any ideas you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

At Year's End

Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done.

As a school-age boy, I remember those words being a regular refrain sung in my church. As we reach the end of 2017, I think it would be a good idea to scratch out on paper the many ways God as blessed you over the last year.

• How has he blessed you through interaction with your immediate family?
• What has he done to make your life easier or your burden lighter?
• How has he blessed your through the preaching of His Word?
• How has he blessed you through your regular Bible reading?
• What prayer requests did he answer?
• What acts of providence do you clearly see as you look back in hindsight?
• What blessings has he given to your church?
• How has he used the people of your church to bless the local community?
• How has the ministry of the your church blessed your life?

Often I hear someone pray, "We thank you for your many blessings." I rejoice at a prayer like this, but I do wonder "What blessings does he mean?"

When you count your blessings, you may be surprised to discover what the Lord has done.

May God's blessings continue to you and your family in 2018.

As always I welcome your feedback and any ideas you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.