36 Expressions of Praise – One for Every Year

Today, December 19, 2023, Brenda and I celebrate 36 years together as husband and wife. Ours is a marriage marked by God’s grace and nearly daily expressions of mercy. In marriage, grace from God generates acts of mercy toward each other, mercy that’s necessary when he gets on your nerves or when she fails to meet your expectations. We’ve lived this. Grace and mercy is the storyline of our romance.

Following the long description of the amazing woman depicted in Proverbs 31, the writer comments, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.”

I’ll give it a shot. Here’s my best effort to identify 36 expressions of praise for Brenda, one for every year of marriage. I’m writing this in one attempt – no editing and no returning later to finish the task. This should be easy. How hard can it be to come up with 36 expressions of praise for my wife? Starting time 1:10. Here we go.

1. Brenda has fulfilled her marriage vows to me for 36 years.

2. Brenda has given me four children. They came out of her body. Amazing, I know!

3. Brenda learned to drive a manual transmission because that’s the only transmission I would accept in my Mustang, and it was the only car we owned.

4. Brenda encourages relationships with my friends so that I ski, fish, hunt, golf, play ball, travel, go to games and more, all with her genuine approval.

5. Brenda is wise with our income, earning from me the nickname, “The Queen of Thrift.”

6. Brenda is not afraid to raise an objection or to wave a yellow flag of caution when she senses I’m drifting into a danger zone.

7. Brenda listens as I tell her my dreams and has, over the years, done whatever she can to help me fulfill my dreams.

8. Brenda accepts my impromptu and impulsive actions and views them as part of the package she acquired when she married me, often leading to shared fun between us.

9. Brenda is patient with me when tasks she has requested are not accomplished in a timely manner.

10. Brenda gives me a better reputation than I would have without her.

11. Brenda washes my clothes, irons my shirts, and matches my socks. I know how to do all those things and was doing them before we were married, but I have not needed to do the task for years. The socks magically appear in my dresser drawer.

12. Brenda makes phone calls for me to customer service because I have no patience when on the phone with customer service. As a bonus, her success rate with customer service is significantly higher than mine.

13. Brenda keeps our house clean, not like a museum clean, but tidy and, therefore, comfortable and inviting. I don’t have to move stuff to find a place to eat or sit. Anyone can stop by, or I can bring someone home and she’s not bothered by the appearance of our house. Of course, I know the rules, her laundry room is not a place for socialization, and I know better than to bring anyone there.

14. Brenda has never had a bent to change me. Help me improve? Sure. Make me something other than what I am? Never.

15. Brenda does not nag me; it simply does not happen.

16. Brenda tells me the truth.

17. Brenda laughs at my witty comments and juvenile actions. Our kids say she’s an enabler.

18. Brenda does not raise her voice to me.

19. Brenda prepares meals she knows I prefer and does not make food she knows I’d rather not have (like pancakes for dinner, tuna fish casserole, or spinach).

20. Though she has not had a full-time job since the first two years of our marriage, Brenda has found creative ways to contribute to our household income.

21. Brenda views my calling to ministry as her calling too. I could not do what I do without her disposition.

22. Brenda is fiercely loyal to me and will defend me against all.

23. Brenda will not criticize me to her sister, her friends, to anonymous social media accounts, or to people in her volleyball world who do not know me, even if the point of criticism is valid.

24. Brenda has been willing to try almost anything I suggest once. So, she’s climbed mountains, parasailed, squeezed the trigger on a .12-gauge shotgun, been with me in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean floor, and a lot more. The key word here is once.

25. Brenda cared for me as I recovered from multiple reconstructive knee surgeries.

26. Brenda makes me think I am needed by her, but I know I need her far more than she needs me.

27. Brenda has listened to more of my sermons than any other human, and she still chooses to sit in the front row, Bible open, pen in hand, readers perched on her cute, little nose, listening intently.

28. Brenda loved my mom and dad, was eager for their involvement in our family, and grieved at their deaths.

29. Brenda has been an amazing mom to our children, but I really think God made her to be a grandmother. She has GOAT potential.

30. Brenda is content with the life we share. She’s grateful for anything we have and does not complain about what we don’t have.

31. Brenda has learned to appreciate my eclectic music tastes, though she prefers I turn down the volume.

32. Brenda thinks positively about me, routinely giving me the benefit of the doubt.

33. Brenda works hard at whatever tasks are in front of her even when the tasks are unpleasant and will not leave a task unfinished.

34. Brenda approaches life more optimistically than I do, as a result she’s generally more pleasant than I am. It’s the rare occasion when I am not greeted with a warm smile.

35. Brenda loves the Lord and sincerely desires to live faithful to Jesus above all else.

36. Brenda kisses me, hugs me, takes my arm, and tells me she loves me.

Well, there you have it. It is now 2:22, a little over an hour to write out 36 expressions. That’s a good exercise for spouses to engage. That’s a good exercise for parents and children to engage in. It is a good exercise for church members to engage. It’s easy to think of the shortcomings and negative traits of those close to us. It’s not helpful to dwell on those thoughts. We build relationships, and we think better about God’s good gifts to us when we muse on traits and actions worthy of praise.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

s always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

The Funest Thing I Did in Greece and It's Not What You Might Think

I cannot imagine how Jeffery and I could have made our trip to Greece better. The sights and sounds and foods and experiences were everything we hoped for and more. We had a great time.

If you ask me what was the best part of our trip and what was the most fun part of our trip, I must provide two different answers. The answer to “best part” will have to wait. The answer to “fun part” is easy. I had more fun than I can express driving a 6-Speed Fiat through the mountains, along the coasts, in the villages, and around the city of Athens. We learned quickly that stop signs and speed limits are suggestions. Stop lights and pedestrian crossings are not. Cars, not people, have the right of way in Greece, but don’t blow through a crosswalk. You might plow someone.

It's going to take me a few words, but I hope you’ll do more than skim and read to the end as I tell you about the fun times.

ROAD TRIP

In preparation for our trip, I heard over and again of the folly to attempt to drive in Greece. We drove more than 600 miles, and not one mile was wasted. People warning about immense traffic, manual transmissions, ridiculously narrow streets, a roadway grid that is thousands of years old, and crazy taxi drivers are enough to scare off many, but not us. Jeffery and I concluded the key to driving in Greece is defensive aggression. Downshift, step on the accelerator, pay attention, assume your car will fit the narrow opening, trust your instincts, respect other drivers, and you’ll do just fine. Man, I can’t wait for the first time Brenda jumps in the passenger seat when I am at the wheel as we tool around the Twin Cities. She can’t expect me to drop my Greek driving habits right away.

And that leads me to a lesson on marriage and the roles of husband and wife illustrated by driving with Jeffery in the rural villages and bewildering layout of the Athens city streets.

Really, it didn’t take me long to pick up on the culture of driving in Europe, “Defensive Aggressive.” But without Jeffery navigating, we would have been in deep trouble. Jeffery can drive a manual transmission, but it’s not second nature to him like it is to me. Jeffery’s skill with google maps is unmatched. We made a great team.

I am convinced a whole lot of Christian marriages would be a lot more fun if they were driven like a father and son cruising the mountains, highways, backroads, and narrow streets of Greece.

Have you ever seen action movies of European cities with their narrow streets, roundabouts, random one-way roads? We lived that for the last week. I’m driving aggressively and fast but with no real idea of where I am taking us. For directions, I relied on Jeffery – our navigator and my helper. My driving skills without his navigation would have frustrated me. Driving in the city of Athens requires processing so much information in real time. If I had to navigate too, the best I could have hoped for was wasted time and the worst, a collision as I roared through an intersection or drove the wrong way down a one-way street.

As good a driver as Jeffery is in his K5, having to work a manual transmission while trying to practice defensive aggression would have led to failure. For us to be successful driving in Greece each had to fulfill his role. Neither role was superior to the other. Both roles were vital, and when both fulfilled their roles, we worked beautifully. When either of us neglected our roles or veered into the role of the other, we had some problems.

One morning we were in a small coastal town in the Peloponnese peninsula. I erratically chose a right hand turn before Jeffery gave directions. It was the narrowest of streets leading I know not where that continued to narrow as I drove and offered no way out that I could quickly see. I got us into this mess and needed to keep driving to get us out, but I needed help from my partner, our navigator, my helper. “Jeffery, get us out of here,” I requested. You must understand, I could not simply stop the car. I had to keep moving because other cars were behind us. My request to Jeffery was not one asking him to take the wheel because I messed up. Two things had to happen if we were going to solve the problem – I had to keep driving and Jeffery had to navigate. Both of us had to know our roles and execute our roles. Both were necessary. Both were important. Neither was superior to the other. A casual observer might look at our car whizzing through the streets and assume the driver of the car is the more important member of the team. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I drove. I determined the speed at which we traveled. I determined the risk level I was willing to accept for us as I drove fast on mountain curves and roared by other drivers at high speeds. I requested, “find us a gas station” as we made our way to our destination. Without Jeffery by my side, the potential for success plummeted, the likelihood of calamity increased, and the fun factor went out the sunroof. At one point I said to Jeffery, “What we’re doing is a lot like a good marriage.”

A LOT LIKE GOD'S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE

Jeffery likes to drive, and he likes to drive fast. More than once he said to me, “I would love to drive my K5 on this road,” but that wasn’t his role in this partnership. Wise women understand their role in marriage. They use their strengths to help their husbands get both of them to the place that they would have great difficulty getting to alone. She doesn’t complain about her role. Like Jeffery, she embraces its importance. Like Jeffery, she improves in her skills. Like Jeffery, she delights in the outcome. Like Jeffery, she is secure in her husband’s leadership to take her safely to their destination and to make the ride along the way a whole lot of fun!

Like Jeffery, she offers her husband praise at appropriate times. Toward the end of our trip, Jeffery quickly said we need to take a turn in about 500 meters. I was in the far-left lane. To our right were two big rigs and some smaller cars. I quickly assessed the situation, dropped from sixth gear to fourth, punched the accelerator, made the turn, all without causing any angst to the other drivers or discomfort to my partner. A few moments later, Jeffery offered the simple words, “Well done, dad.” The only time over more than 600 miles that he complimented my driving. Of all the words spoken between us over the last week, those words stick in my mind. A wise woman’s words toward her husband will do the same.

I am, by nature, a leader. Wise leaders listen to those around them. A wise husband listens to his wife and refuses her council to his own detriment. I know husbands who have a hard time receiving helpful words from their wives. At times, I am one of them. 99% of the time Jeffery’s navigation was right on. 99% of the time, not 100%. I trusted Jeffery with every direction he gave to me. My heart trusted in him. He wanted the same thing that I wanted. When I listened to him, my life was better. I can’t recall questioning any guidance he offered, including that one time.

The road grid in Greece is whack by US standards. Jeffery and I had to learn vocabulary and how to communicate with each other. “Veer left” is different than “Turn left,” and “Go straight” probably means include a jog right to go straight. It’s the communication stuff all marriages require. We were doing great until we were not. Jeffery’s google map gave a direction that was less than clear when we came to a fork in the road at highway speeds. He told me to go left when we should have gone right. He made an error in judgment. I followed his recommendation. We went the wrong way. It cost us 20 minutes.

We needed leadership at that moment and not a lecture from me on better navigation or communication skills. We had a problem, a minor one, but a problem, nonetheless. Getting out of the problem required my leadership to keep driving, to give him time to navigate the route, and to lead us to resolve the problem together. And resolve it we did without conflict, without sharp words, and without comparison, “Why can’t you be like other sons and navigate so that we don’t get lost?”

Proverbs 31 offers a great assessment when it says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.” I am convinced there are many Christian husbands who do not trust their wives, who do not value the necessary contribution she delivers, and who lack a lot of good in their marriages and in their lives because they ignore the gift she is to him.

So, yeah, the most fun thing for me was driving defensive aggressive in Greece. I think Jeffery would place our road trips in his top two as well.

There are too many Christian marriages that are not fun. That’s a shame. God didn’t design marriage to be a burden. I am convinced a whole lot of Christian marriages would be a lot more fun if they were driven like a father and son cruising the mountains, highways, backroads, and narrow streets of Greece.

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

A Trip Back in Time

Sometimes when an opportunity presents itself, you take it though the timing may not be convenient. By the time you read today’s Musing, Jeffery and I will be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean on our way to Greece to visit the ancient New Testament cities of Corinth and Athens.

This is the first you’re hearing about this? That’s ok. Brenda only found out a couple of weeks ago. Recently, I stumbled across a flash sale on Delta Airlines that offered nearly all of Europe for ridiculously low fares. How ridiculous? Like about $325 round trip from Minneapolis to Athens ridiculous. Jeffery and I both have PTO we should use before the end of the year, so we snatched up the tickets, and, well, I’ll show you the pictures when we return.

Athens

The capital city attracts visitors from all over the world to see its ruins, visit its museums, enjoy its breathtaking panorama, and taste its amazing foods. I’m sure we will experience much of that, but I am most looking forward to climbing the Acropolis, the high point of the city where the Apostle Paul debated with the philosophers and told them of their unknown god. Do you remember Luke’s account of Paul’s visit to Athens?

The city was burgeoning with idols, so many, in fact, Luke tells us Paul was angry about the vast number of Greek gods in complete dominance of the daily lives of the Athenians. Acts 17 records Paul’s daily activities on his only visit to Athens culminating in his powerful sermon on Mars Hill. When we stand where Paul stood, I intend to read his sermon aloud for Jeffery and me and anyone else standing close by to hear. It should be awesome!

Corinth

I wonder if there are any descendants in Corinth today whose ancestors were part of the first century church in the city. It’s possible, though I doubt anyone can say with certainty, that their grandparents were founding members of the church at Corinth. It’s fun to think about.

Paul planted the church around AD 50 (Acts 18) and wrote the letters to the church 3 years later. Paul’s letters to the church have been critical in keeping The Church headed in the right direction over the last 2000 years.

Most know that I think 1 Corinthians 15 is one of the greatest texts in all the New Testament if not the entire Bible. I don’t know where we’ll be when we read it together, but I get goosebumps thinking about reading it aloud in the place where it was first read. Do you recall what Paul wrote?

Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; nor does corruption inherit incorruption. Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed— in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”

“O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?”

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

See you when we return.

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

Here to Help with Your Christmas Gift Shopping

“I never know what to get her for Christmas.”

“He’s so hard to buy for!”

“I’ve looked everywhere, and I can’t find anything right.”

What to get for the man who has everything? What to wrap for the child who likes nothing? What will show the woman you love how much you care for her? What to buy for grandparents who don’t need nor want more slippers, robes, sweaters, or neck ties? It’s stressful shopping for presents. Maybe there’s a better way. What if we looked to our God for a pattern?

Briefly, we give gifts at Christmas and throughout the year because of our gift-giving Father (2 Corinthians 9:15). He gives, so we who are made in his image give too. We follow his lead on everything, including giving gifts. His gifts are generous and appropriate. He gives only good gifts, and all his gifts are profitable to the receiver (James 1:17). Our goal when giving gifts is to bestow gifts that are profitable for the recipient. What’s a profitable gift?

Profitable gifts develop the recipient, provide resources that carry into the future, and advantage more than the beneficiary.

God gave Adam a profitable gift when he gave him a wife. God gave the people a profitable gift when he gave them manna in the wilderness. God gives parents a profitable gift (albeit one that comes with some expense) when he gives them children. God gives a church a profitable gift when he gives them a pastor. God gives a profitable gift to a church when he bestows on individual members for the benefit of the whole. And the examples go on and on.

This is only a recent thought for me, and I don’t have the idea fully developed, but I think I’m headed in the right direction and want to suggest you go this way with me.

The Sears Catalog

For example, give your 16-year-old boy a .22 rifle. Yep, you read that correctly. Give your son a firearm. He will need to develop discipline in the use and care of his gun. In the future, the gun may provide him a means to put food on his family’s table. Should he, in the future, find himself in financial need, he can sell his gun for a fair price. God forbid, but should it be necessary, he will have something to protect his family from deadly violence posed by an animal or villain. As a safety measure and if he has not received training in firearm safety, hold back the ammunition and include a course in the gift.

Or how about this, God designed females to conceive and bear children. A gift of a baby doll for young girls fosters God given maternal instincts to care and nurture others. It is beautiful to see a small girl carry, dress, rock, and cuddle her baby doll. She’s developing the skills and traits God designed her to use, traits she will have occasion to use inside and outside her home, traits she can use for the benefit of others whether or not God blesses her with children of her own.

Whatever the occasion – Christmas, birthday, high school graduation – here are more ideas to develop the recipient, provide resources that carry into the future, and advantage more than the beneficiary.

• For a wife, a household appliance that makes her tasks easier – ignore the buffoons who say a washing machine isn’t romantic. You make any chore easier for her, and she will know how much you love her.

• For your grandchildren or nephews or nieces, annual passes to a museum, zoo, park, or cultural center serve to develop their young minds and bodies.

• For grandchildren, a letter telling them something of your history from days long past. If you can include a picture from the time, with a small note on the back addressed to them, all the better.

• Art sets, a camera, and models to construct reveal interests and untapped skills.

• Tickets to orchestral events ignite desires to play musical instruments.

• For adult sons and sons-in-law, tools and supplies needed to own and maintain a home.

• For grandparents, any time shared with their grandchildren.

• A “you and your friend” experience. Friends are everything to middle school and high school kids, give a gift that has them doing something you plan and doing it with a friend.

• For children of all ages, cooking lessons, music instrument lessons, riding lessons, diving lessons, flying lessons…you get the idea.

• For your husband, an evening out with you doing whatever you plan for the two of you to do together. I’d bet he’d even pay for it!

• For your busy son and his family, a service around the house that he doesn’t have time for, has no idea how to do but would desire, for example, spring lawn fertilization.

• For his family, a pastor friend took his wife and middle school / high school kids to Hawaii. How could a pastor do that? This was the gift. There were no other gifts exchanged between spouses or toward children for two years. In addition, they did not eat out or make a quick stop at Starbucks. The gift to his family benefits all of them to the present day.

These are only a few ideas. I think with time we could create a thick catalog of gift options for every person close to us if we think in terms of profitable gift giving. Use your imagination guided by God’s pattern, and see what you come up with. I’d love to hear about them.

Before you go, let me answer the big objection, “My kids would never go for that.” I suppose that’s true. What middle school boy wants to explain to his buddy who got an Xbox download that his parents gave him tickets to the Minneapolis Orchestra? But this is where parenting comes in – teach the value of profitable gifts and the character of God who only gives profitable gifts. You can do that. I believe in you!

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.

A Walmart Thanksgiving

Just like we all have bellybuttons, all of us, at times, find it necessary to shop at Walmart. Not all Walmart stores are created equal, but for the most part, what you need will be available to you even if it means dodging pajama wearing shoppers and enduring long checkout lines.

For a preacher and writer, Walmart rarely fails to deliver sermon illustrations or Musing ideas.

Days after Halloween I found myself at Walmart with Brenda walking down the candy aisle where Brenda was scooping up highly discounted Halloween candy to repurpose as the contents of the dozen or so pairs of wooden shoes that will line our stairs in anticipation of children and grandchildren arriving on Christmas Day. Filling wooden shoes with candies, coins, and trinkets is a long Dutch tradition Brenda and our children heartily embrace.

Doing time in aisle 4 at Walmart, I overheard a 9 or 10-year-old boy talking to his mom.

“Mom, why are there so many Christmas decorations and hardly any Thanksgiving decorations?

“Honey, um…well…that’s because Thanksgiving is a day. Christmas is a season.”

While all people generally should be thankful, God’s people must be characterized by thankfulness. In our Bibles, we read the calls from the apostles to be thankful, we hear the prayers and praises of thankful saints, and we witness our Lord’s thankfulness, “In that hour Jesus rejoiced in the Spirit and said, “I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth…” (Luke 10:21). We Christians know by experience over the course of our lives and in hope of the resurrection that we have so much about which to be thankful.

But what about when thankfulness just does not seem to fit the moment, when life’s circumstances are so hard that giving thanks in everything because this is the will of God for us just seems impossible (1 Thessalonians 5:18)? How is it remotely possible to give thanks in situations where nothing is going right, where everything is wrong, where there is no prospect for immediate or long-term change, and where the pain of the hour is so intense? Here Matthew Henry is helpful.

While performing his pastoral duties, Henry was attacked by robbers. They stole his possessions and left him scarred. At the end of the day, he wrote in his diary…

“Let me be thankful first, because I was never robbed before; second, because although they took my purse, they did not take my life; third, because, although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed.”

I confess I have yet to arrive at Henry’s thanksgiving disposition, but I want to get here. I hope you want to get there too. May God grant that we, our children, and our church will be characterized by thankfulness.

As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.