How do you like the new design? After twelve years it was time to make the move to the 2020s. I cannot take any credit for the new design. This is the work of Lauren VerWay, my daughter-in-law. She’s great.
Since I turned 50, we’ve added a daughter and two sons to our family. Adding sons and daughters in middle age doesn’t often happen like it did for Zachariah and Elizabeth, but it does happen for nearly everyone when their kids get married. If you have babies, toddlers, school age children, or young single sons or daughters, you probably will gain more sons and daughters via marriage. It’s a great way to grow the family.
God has blessed Brenda and me by the addition of Lauren (married to Michael), James (married to Jennifer), and Nando (married to Emily). All followers of our Lord, each has contributed for the good of our family. None has been a detriment to our family. By God’s grace, the transition from the six of us to the nine of us (plus three grandchildren) has been wonderful. We’ve had speed bumps that we’ve worked through but none of the horror stories some have experienced. Brenda and I love each new member as if they’ve been with us from the beginning.
There is likely no more important decision in your kid’s life and your family’s life than who it is your kid marries. The impact is immediate, long term, and generational. For parents and siblings, the promised union is both exhilarating and fraught with anxiety. I am here to tell you there may be nothing more important in your parenting that positioning your son or daughter to make a wise choice in a spouse.
I cannot say there is a method that guarantees good relationships between new spouses and siblings or with in-laws, but I think there are steps we can take before the wedding day to position everyone for the best possible outcome. Here are a few ideas to implement in your Christian home before your children says, “I do.”
Speak Highly of Marriage.
Wife jokes and husband memes are funny and all, but regular demeaning of marriage in your home may prove detrimental. From their earliest days, let your toddlers hear of the amazing gift that marriage is to God’s people. Thinking of the future, let them know that God shows his grace to our entire family by adding more to us via marriage. You want your daughter to be thrilled that her brother has a girlfriend and may marry her. Your daughter needs to see that God is adding to the family; he’s not taking away from the family.
Be the Example Your Son or Daughter Pursues.
Maybe you’ve heard it said, “He married his mom.” I don’t know if it’s true or not that girls marry someone like their dad and that boys marry someone like their mom. In my case, I think Brenda is much more like my grandmother than she is like my mom. That’s not a slap against my mom, merely an observation. On the other hand, maybe you’ve heard someone say, “I don’t want anyone like my dad.” Either way, the template for choosing a spouse is the one observed daily in the home – good or bad. We do our sons and daughters a great service by modeling for them the kind of spouse they should pursue as we live in sweet matrimony with the spouse God gave us.
Help your son or daughter become what another Christian might desire.
Here’s a sobering thought: you are raising a son to be the husband to some young lady or you are training a daughter to be the wife of some young man. Together, they will form a home, have your grandchildren, and impact your life on a daily basis. Just like your marriage became a blessing or a burden to your parents, so too, your son’s or daughter’s marriage will become a blessing or burden to you. Your labor to develop Christian character in your young children will pay major dividends when they catch the eye of another young Christian, a young man or young lady whose parents have been doing similar character training of their son or daughter in hopes of similar outcomes like the ones you seek. So, today as you lead those in your home to love unconditionally, to work diligently, and to esteem others before themselves, you are doing more than you might think: you are preparing a spouse who will be a blessing to another Christian family in ways you can only imagine.
And by the way, they may also give you grandchildren, and I’m here to tell you grandchildren are the best! And for that, I say, “Thank you, Lauren” and “Thank you, James” and “Thank you, Nando.”
As always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musings.