How did Paul do it?
The guy wasn’t a woman and had limited experience with women, but he sure did have a lot to say to women about what it means to be a wife and mother and a female member of a local church. He wasn’t a father, but he brings the heat to dads about what it means to raise kids. He never married, but he directed single guys on the dating scene and hopeful ladies looking to land a man.
I suspect Paul heard the same thing in his day that so many spout today, “Hey Paul, just wait until you have kids…” or “Paul, I hear you, but you have no idea what it’s like to have a wife, so you may not know everything you think you know.”
The guiding principle for engagement is you must be what I am or have experienced what I’ve experienced. Without a shared experience, your words are little more than hot air. Unless you’ve faced any of the following, you’re not qualified to talk about it.
Not a parent, can’t talk about raising kids.
Not a parent of girls, can’t talk about raising girls.
Not a parent of boys, keep it closed when it comes to raising boys.
Not a parent of teens, then you have no idea what I am going through and really shouldn’t say anything.
Never been married, then no phone calls or texts please about how to be a spouse or address a marriage problem.
Never been divorced, then, yeah, I’m not really looking to you for advice.
Never experienced infertility, then please keep your comments to yourself.
Never been laid off, out of work, or bankrupt, then your privilege has no place with me.
Not a woman, then don’t mansplain to me.
Never cared for an elderly parent, then don’t tell me what you think I should do as their son.
Two Bible principles intersect at this point.
Paul wrote to a young pastor named Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth” (1 Timothy 4:12). What is there to despise about being young except the fact that you are young, you haven’t seen it all, you haven’t done it all? Old school looks at the young man, nods his head, and chuckles at his inexperience, and old school is less than enthusiastic to heed direction or counsel from the young man.
Experience is a helpful teacher. With experience, we improve over time with repetitions. With experience, we learn to repeat successes and avoid errors. With experience, we gain status from onlookers who observe our accomplishments and achievements.
Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine - Paul to Timothy
Experience is not an authority. What works for one person in parenting or small business ownership or church growth or financial planning may not work for someone else. Factors too numerous to catalog make similar outcomes uncertain. For one pastor to say to another, “You should do it this way too because it worked for us” cannot anticipate all the variables from one setting to the next. Does that mean that we should not listen to others because our situations are neither similar nor identical? That would be a foolish conclusion.
Paul follows the admonition to Timothy, “Don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young” with “Continue to read the Scriptures to the people, strengthen them, and teach them.” Timothy’s influence does not reside in his vast experience. Timothy possesses no authority to dictate behaviors. In all matters, Paul directs Christians to turn to the Bible for answers to life’s moments.
When we hear the problems others face, we serve them by pointing them to helpful and hopeful Scriptures which become a lamp to their feet and a light to their path. When we contemplate our next moves in our varied life experiences, we commit ourselves to the reading of the Bible, by which we will be strengthened for the challenge we face, and from which we learn the steps to take.
With every passing day we gain experience, some of it happy and much of it sad. Here, experience informed by and interpreted by the wisdom of the Bible becomes a valuable aid. Now we speak to others the Bible with our experience as an illustration that the Bible can be trusted in the present moment.
s always, thanks for reading, and I welcome your feedback and any suggestions you might have for an upcoming Lunchtime Musing.